obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
