I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
