so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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