i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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