How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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