i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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