If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
