I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
