Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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