you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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