I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
