Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
