Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
