I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
