Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
