I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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