I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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