I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
