the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
