i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize