he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
