You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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