We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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