You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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