I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize