Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
