I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
