Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize