So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
