:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
