I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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