my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
