Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
