I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
