I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
