he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
