I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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