i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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