goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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