if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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