My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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