It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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