What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
wow bdsm is so cute
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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