You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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