There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
