I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
