Where is the hickey?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
