just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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