Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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