theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
