I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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