so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
