he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
