i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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