that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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