uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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