I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
