help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
