Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
