i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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