There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
