I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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