dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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