Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
