we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
