I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
