The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
