She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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