You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
