i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
