Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
