i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
