I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
