Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
