my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
