I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
