While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
